small girl vs. big city

 i have writer’s block…and more importantly, i have to get to work…this is something to hold you over. i wrote it circa may of this year after they fired most of us on their way to moving production of the show, Ugly Betty,to new york..

the good the mode and the ugly
Current mood: nostalgic

without my contacts in and without fear or censor i write… hold on’cause here we go… back into and…back too into the present…

an overcast day. a shortage of “yellow”, an abundance of heart. we wait. in line. a tall african knows everyone. who am i? seems everyone says hi except to me. to us. i ….he holds my clothes. i dont fit into this. what am i wearing? glasses? a two and a half hour nap. enter wonderland. cross here, pretend a hello there. heals? tip toe in 4″ heels? we’re the new who? he’s nerdy??!?!?! wow. texas hold who? sleep how long? what’s an ego? my dad watched the show and confused me with ?!?!?another latina!???? ha ha, a white dress is no longer just a white dress. i tried to hide and was chosen to stand out. (as eat less, fear more. love less. see more). 

focusing back: i heard 120 people lost their jobs. i was ,,,hours late. i heard… 120 people. made decisions. looked back. were forced to glance forward. appreciate time. appreciate laughing. appreciate egg white/spinach/bellpepper and feta omlettes… men named billy who cooked for us even though his wife sat home …sick. we, the 12-25 background of betty sat, slept, loved, laughed, stole. wrote. read and played poker. i will forever miss you. yea i ate your trailmix. what matta!?! yea i bet from the pot when no one was looking. (shut up stacy, you would have if you could have, but im just more slick). yea i told everyone i caught *you* looking at porn *at work*… and yea i swore too much. but yea i will miss each and every single one of you ego driven maniacs. i believe in every single one of you. mirtha - because you look like me (ok because i want you to succeed). fumi because you are stong and you refuse to shut up even when we’re rolling. hallie because you’re talented. (mint water, nail polish and blogs baby…so glad we met love), gabe because you’re…you. peder because youre commercial with an unexpected sense of gifted humor (i still dont know if i love you, or if i love you because you actually got molly). molly bc you care, you’re beauty beyond a single frame and because of your depth and who can forget …the dress. ledicia, because you are… beautiful. and because you’re the epitomy of the bitch everyone LOVES to LOVE, not hate. eva, because no one can prance through a scene like you.randy, because no one can turn the most innocent conversation into an x-rated piece that could make ron jeremy blush. tony chang, sorry for misspelling your name and for making you the butt of too many too gay jokes, but lets get real…!! lydee…if i had your little ass and waist, i’d be on a whole other stage, but some day i’ll see you on yours. yelva ”i gotta get off meth”.  that sense of humor is why i love you. to anyone i forgot - be more memorable. anyone i offended: are you surprised?.and to EVERYONE on that set: I LOVE YOU. truly.

good bye and good luck… words cant express what you taught me and what i learned from you and about myself. peace be with you and see you on the other side

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